Letter to Ami


Pyari Ami,

Today, I felt like talking to you once again. To share my love, my life and all the happenings of my life with you. Everything about you, has impacted my life. The aroma of your food, the fragrance of your clothes, the sunshine from your smile and the shelter of your wisdom have positively nourished my being and helped me move forward.

The roads we walked together to the paths that divided us, I hold such dear memories of you. For it was you who brought me into this world, nurtured all my needs to become the woman that I am today.

There are special images of you that fill up my senses to match my moods. When I’m happy, I picture you swinging on the garden swing, when sad, I see you on the corner sofa with the lights out, when thrilled, I see you dining out, when anxious, I can witness you gazing out of the window.

I am a reminder to people of your presence. It takes them back to a time when you laughed with them, shared secrets, planned the holidays and made decisions about life’s priorities.

Your mention alone brings to life a sky full of colourful moments. The sky that I used to look up to after you left me in the pouring rain. It was your favourite weather. Black clouds, cool winds and a reason to wrap yourself with a warm shawl. It rained the day they lowered you in your grave. And I stood alone in the garden all the while wondering if I would ever be able to enjoy this rain again.

It’s been twelve years now and yet each year when the first rain comes, I run to the window to capture its magic. It falls on my fingers and I picture myself on the garden swing. A sprinkle on the brow and we all go dining out. But as the clouds move to farther lands, I switch off the lights to find my corner sofa. It just never rains long enough to kill my anxiety. I stand at the window, hoping for the rain to come again. Why?

I suppose I get so busy with life that I simply place you on the book shelf, on my bedside table or the drawing room wall. I feel that’s all that I can do to make you a part of my life. It’s what everyone does. But it doesn’t compensate for the absence. Therefore, when the clouds set in, I prepare for your arrival. The cool winds give me a reason to wrap myself in your love and the very first drop is like an awakening to your presence in my life. Nothing reminds me more of you than the blessed rain.

And I enjoy it while it lasts….

Aapki Beti,

Shama Mir



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