A Letter to Nobody


“I hope this letter finds you in good health, wherever you may be. I had no plans of writing to you, no matter how much I adore the written word, I wanted this specific conversation to be in person. So we could feel each other’s presence, just like old times. We could be quiet and still speak. Our communication was never bound by words was it. All we had to do was sit together and let our hearts do the talking. But sitting together seems almost impossible now. Ever since your disappearance I doubt I sat together with anyone. I have tried though mind you, but it’s just not the same. They don’t understand our kind you see. They think talking out loud, laughing, sharing stories and massacring silence is the only way to communicate. I have been labeled strange many a times and that has made me quit trying to sit with them and search for you even harder. I might be half way through the world now. I have been to shamans, star readers, and spirituals and what not. I have followed each and every direction careful, trying my best to connect the dots and find you but all in vain. Some told me to search for you in other people, I tried but found more misery and confusion. Some told me to search for you in the brightest of stars but all I was faced with was the darkest of nights. Some told me to find you inside believing you are there still but all I found was traces, not you. Traces, that is all I found. I found them in dew drops that adorned the leaves in the morning. I found them in the clouds that keep forming your face once in a while. I found them in the sun that shone bright and bold. I found them in the stars that studded the night sky. I found them in the smile of a child and in the tear of the old man. I found them in my hours of rest and in my hours of waking. I found them in times I managed to put on my best smile. I found them in times I couldn’t stop the tears. I found them in songs I heard. I found them in things I read. I found them in pictures I painted. I found them in everything I do, in everything I see and in everything I think or feel. But that was it. They were all traces. Clues that led nowhere. That made me go in circles. That gave me enough hope to keep searching but not enough to make me believe. Your disappearance seems to be a harder case than I thought it would be. I am not complaining. I understand there are things you needed to do on your own and places you needed to be alone. All I want to say to you is this. If disappearing was so important at this time and if you never want to be found, it would have been wonderful if you left no trace behind. You see it would have made things easier a bit and I would have stopped making such a fool of myself. This is all I have to say to you right now. I better run, I think there is another clue. I might be on to something.”

Illustration and Text by Zoya Amjad